It’s been nearly a month since my last post, but my goal of posting once or twice a month is still working out. It’s only half way through Feb. Although where the heck January went, I have no idea. I feel like everything is going by too quickly and too slowly at the same time.
My first year is almost done and yet I still feel horribly inadequate. It’s ridiculous really. I don’t know how we’re supposed to shove all this info into our little brains and remember it all. I don’t understand why Physio is taught in the last semester of didactic work instead of the first. I don’t know why I didn’t do so much better on that neuro path exam I had last Thursday when I knew most of that material. It’s embarrassing really, how badly I’m sure I did. They’re going to think I’m an absolute idiot when they see some of the answers I put down. I’m so mad at myself.
Hopefully I can redeem myself a little bit this week since I don’t have any exams for once. I gave myself this weekend off to give my brain a break and replenish my energy in terms of sleep. Although it seems like the entire world is against me sleeping in. I’ve been a bit grumpier because of that. I’m trying not to be, but all I want to do is rest. And forget about everything for a little bit. But it’s hard to do that with constant exams and having to drive back and forth to my parents place every weekend to take care of stuff.
I also need to get better at AAP. I’m absolutely horrendous at dictations. I need to sit down and just read them out loud. Get used to hearing my own voice and speaking punctuation. For some reason I always forget to say ‘period’ at the end of every sentence. It’s unnatural to say ‘comma’ and ‘period’ and ‘quote’ and ‘hyphen’ out loud. Most people instinctively write it, never having to actually dictate it out loud. And my vocabulary is so limited. I don’t know which special big scientific words would be better used to describe all these different lesions on all these different specimens. Ugh. I’m just so terrible. It doesn’t help when half of the group has so much experience with this and I’m pretty much left in the dust, despite all my shadowing experience.
As you can tell, I’m pretty easily discouraged by this. Clearly, it’s not helping me. I need to get over this mental and self-confidence issue somehow, then maybe I’ll be able to feel better about myself. I need to try. I guess that’s my main problem. I’m too scared to give it a shot and look like a fool.
I need to get over myself.
Quick, someone give me a kick in the rear. I’ve lost my drive.